I am not afraid of you!

I knew, now that I am newly vegan, I KNEW I'd have to face this little aversion of mine. As a Wisconsin girl, there was never any reason for me to come into contact with this block of nothingness. I ate cows. And chickens. I knew what those looked like. I knew where those came from, what they ate, how they grew.

Not so for this ersatz food product.

TOFU.

Even the name is suspect - doesn't sound like a real word...  it sounds like the babble that comes out of the mouth of a 1 yr. old.

And I'm supposed to eat it?

Even worse, I'm supposed to cook it in some way?

No one can tell you what it tastes like. "oh, it just tastes like whatever it was cooked with."

The texture is similarly mystifying - not a curd, not a paste... uniform... That doesn't sound good.

What do you mean it comes in a block? and it's white-ish? Not white, not beige, but somewhere in between...

None of this sounds appealing.

Yup, it's TOFU!

My first forays into the realm of tofu eating were under professional guidance.

Experiment #1: I figured I'd best try something in the privacy of home. You know, just in case I had to abort.

K picked up:

That's right, it's CHICKEN-LESS CHICKEN!!

Inspection of the "nuggets" as they were browning revealed little. They were breaded, and shaped like chicken nuggets. I tried to reserve judgement. Wisely, the package comes with sauce to heat up and pour over your "nuggets." I complied.

And, lo, they were tasty. I'd eat them again. The breading was crispy, and they were seasoned and had flavor. You might not think they were chicken, but it didn't scream at you, "I AM SCARY AMORPHOUS TOFU! BE AFRAID!"

So, on to

Experiment #2: Eating tofu in public.

 K and I went to Thai Vegan. It's very well rated. I picked a dish from the reviews that sounded both like an adventure, and like something I'd enjoy... perhaps: Spinach "shrimp" noodle with green curry sauce.

This was a real test. How on earth can you make shrimp:

out of ...







THIS???



Well, I don't know. But they did. It was shrimp-shaped, shrimp-colored, and shrimp-textured. They must have a Thai artist in the back sitting on a stool sculpting, molding and painting tofu shrimp all day long. That dish was TASTY. The shrimp, like the chicken-less nuggets, might not taste exactly like shrimp, but they were good. And not Frightening. I'm sure there were at least two servings on that platter, but I ate almost the entire thing before stopping - and that was only because we had banana chocolate rolls coming for dessert. (also yummy)

Experiment #2 was a huge success. I'm sure we will go back there and try other meat-less and faux meat dishes. That only leaves.....

Experiment #3: cooking TOFU myself.

I know. Scary, right?
 
Standing in Trader Joe's, I bent over to carefully examine the 4 different types. I kept my distance, looking like an uncertain tourist in a strange country. The recipe specified "firm." Ok, but what does that MEAN,  exactly? I poked the packages hesitantly. It felt like there was LIQUID in some of them. ew. Firm, silken, extra firm... I had other recipes which called for the other types. So I bought all of them. What the heck. Wait - how much is this going to set me back? Must be expensive... oh. $1.29 each. ...ok, I guess I can swing that.

All of the groceries found a home, with the one package of tofu squatting silent and solo in the middle of my kitchen island.

I felt like I did more than a decade ago (holy cow I'm old) when I had to figure out how to remove the backbone from a chicken. I approached it carefully, and tried to peel, then tear open the package, but it resisted my wimpy efforts.

I got a knife. That worked - as I cut the plastic off the top of the container, some liquid dribbled out. What IS that, anyway? Soybean whey? Then I see the directions on the package: "After opening, keep tofu immersed in water and change water daily."  Or what, I'll awaken to gremlins running around my house trying to stuff Dante in the microwave? A pod will grow in my fridge, and one day will replace me with a pale bean-curd version of Mo?

I sliced off two servings (that's weird weird weird - there's no discrete size to tofu, just slide your knife through the slippery chunk) and ...

I had to drain it. Huh? Sandwich it between two plates and paper towels for 10 min to squeeze out excess liquid. Can't I just pat it dry or something, like you do with chicken... oh, never mind. ok, fine, done.

I prep the rest of the ingredients for my sesame ginger tofu with bok choy and quinoa.

Back to the ... holy cow that's a lot of liquid from the 1/3 of the package!  Now I wonder if I should drain/press it a bit more, you know, just in case there's more in there somewhere. I do. Just in case. And there was more. (ew.)

I cut little precise blocks out of the larger block that I cut from the original block.. hey this is kind of like fractals....

Back to work, mo!

 and roll them in sesame seeds and saute them.

um. When are they done, exactly? The little white blocks refuse to answer, mute and white in the pan. After a while I shake the pan to rotate the blocks to a different side.... but they don't rotate, so I do it by hand, one at a time. Flip. Flip. Flip... The blocks are kind of soft and spongy. I do this a few more times. A few popping kernels of sesame seeds startle me, but I hold my own. It smells like... well, like sesame seeds, and not much else.

After a few sides are browned, I call it done.

TOFU - you are DONE! I have cooked you!

Of course, now I have to eat what I have created. I wish I had taken a picture to show you, because the little blocks, browned and coated with sesame seeds actually looked pretty guh.... well, pretty ok.
I stirred them with the bok choy and other veggies, and took a forkful. 

Hey - pretty tasty! now, don't ask me what it tastes LIKE, because we all know the answer to that question. The bok choy, broccoli, ginger, and sesame seeds stole that show entirely. But I have now successfully conquered my fear of tofu, and find it to be a painless way to get a little more protein into ye olde vegan, unprocessed, whole foods diet. Which is necessary, btw.  Yes, I have been to the edge of culinary veganism and DID NOT FLINCH! (except when the sesame seeds popped). Ha!

I am in-wince-able!

Onto the next challenge!